I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

If my truck was a horse, I'd have to shoot it.

Smile - it keeps people wondering what you're up to.

They told me I was gullible and I believed them!

My sig file doesn't work, so you'll have to believe me when say that it's
really really funny.

I blame society for anything I've said that you disagree with.

I mean, no matter how you attempt to twist it, you can't prove that other
people are not hiding who they are when you claim that your lack of
ability to find out who I am means I am hiding something.
- some clueless net-dweeb, c. 1993

It's a great big universe, and we're all really puny, we're all little specks
about the size of Mickey Rooney. It's big and black and inky, and we're
all small and dinky, It's a great big universe, and we're not!

Tap with hammer here XXXX for new monitor!

These thoughts are entirely my own, unless someone would like them.

We're very sorry, but reality is not in service at this time. Please try
again later.

I want patience & I want it RIGHT NOW!

Insert your own humorous statement here.

ASCII and ye shall receive.

Dr. Ming, please report to AOL for a an emergency clue transplant.

You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays
everybody's crazy.
- Charles Manson

[This message has been altered by the Witness Protection Plan. Names and
places have been changed to implicate the innocent.]

"Alright! Alright! Let them eat PIE!"
-Marie Antoinette, last words

...scalpel.....sutures.....clamp......oopps.....pen....death certificate....

NOTICE: This message is displayed using 100% recycled electrons.

"Intel Inside" - Not a trademark, it's a warning!

That which does not kill us is below us on the food chain.

User, N.: The word computer professionals use when they mean 'idiot'.

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S Truman

BEEF! -- Cause the west wasn't won on salad.

My karma ran over my dogma.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than have to have a frontal lobotomy.
-Tom 'T-Bone' Stanchas.

There cannot be a crisis next week, my schedule is already full.
- Henry Kissinger

Madness takes its toll; please have exact change.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

A single fact can ruin a good argument.

Please, no deja vu; I don't want to go through that again.

Please reply if you don't get this message.

The trouble with life is the lack of cool background music.

Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

Next from Intel: the Repentium.

"Why Johnny Can't Read" - Now available on VHS tape.

Morals for sale, never used. Contact Bill Clinton.

I always wanted to be something, I wish I'd been more specific.

(c) Copywight Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
- Mark Twain

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you
sit on a redhot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
-Albert Einstein

I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way.
-Mark Twain

Take nothing for granted: watch water flow, the corn grow, the leaves
blow, your neighbor mow.

If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it moves, it's biology.
If it does not work, It's computer science.

If you copy from one author, it's plagiarism. If you copy from two, it's
research. - Wilson Mizner

Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in
creating the Internet.
-Former US Vice President, Al Gore

There's no "I" in "TEAM" but there is in "Shove It!"

Never hit a man with glasses, hit him with your fists!

When PETA starts trying to toss red paint on motorcycle riders wearing
leather jackets, things will get more interesting (and I hope someone's
there with a camera).
-- James Jones

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

Words can only hurt when you try to read them. Don't play their game!

If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization,
it expects what never was and never will be. -- Thomas Jefferson

But I am an artist too, and therefore a liar. Distrust everything I say.
I am telling the truth. -- Ursula LeGuin

Report: Our High Schools May Not Adequately Prepare Dropouts For
Unemployment

Government is a disease masquerading as its own cure. -Robert LeFevre

"It's a poor doctor who can't cure one disease without giving you
another." - Thomas More speaking about Government in "Utopia"

"Just because people want to eat the burger doesn't mean they want to meet
the cow." - The Island

"Because talent won't be quiet, doesn't know how to be quiet...It screams
to be used - it never shuts up. It'll wake you in the middle of your
tiredest night screaming, 'Use me, use me, use me! I'm tired of just
sitting here. Use me, [moron], USE ME!'"

"If from infancy you treat children as gods they are liable in adulthood
to act as devils." - P.D. JAMES, The Children of Men

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to
pause and reflect." -Mark Twain

Mice have no respect for great literature.

"This is one race of people [the Irish] for whom psychoanalysis is of no
use whatsoever." - Sigmund Freud

"Is evolution just another name for God?" -Frank Herbert

"Ideas are like scissors. Idiots always run with them." - Nathan Alberson

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the
intelligent full of doubt." - Bertrand Russell

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." -
Phillip K. Dick

"The truth will set you free but first it will make you miserable." -James
Garfield

"[Paradox is] truth standing on its head to gain attention." - G.K.
Chesterton

A simile is like a metaphor.

"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -Hitler

When people are free to do as they please they usually imitate each.
-Eric Hoffer

"Every human perfection is linked to an error which it threatens to turn
into." -Arthur Schopenhauer

"A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go
against it." -G. K. Chesterton

"Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past
it." -Kierkegaard

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing
himself." -Leo Tolstoy

"Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary
Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." -Ben Franklin

"Those who do not stop asking silly questions become scientists." -Leon
Lederman

"In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant."
-Charles de Gaulle

"Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned
with right or left instead of right or wrong." -Richard Armour

"A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to
take it all away." -Barry Goldwater

"I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it
doesn't work. We are supposed to work it." -Alexander Woollcott

"He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from
opposition; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that
will reach himself." -Thomas Paine

"We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home." -Edward R.
Murrow

"The most dangerous ideas in a society are not the ones being argued, but
the ones that are assumed." -C.S. Lewis

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do
nothing." -Edmund Burke

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonalbe one
persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefor, all progress
depends on the unreasonable man. -George Bernard Shaw "Man and Superman"

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. -George
Bernard

We anarchists do not want to emancipate the people; we want the people to
emancipate themselves. -Errico Malatesta

Men fight for liberty and win it with hard knocks. Their children,
brought up easy, let it slip away again, poor fools. And their
grandchildren are once more slaves. -D.H. Lawrence

The only weapon against bad ideas is better ideas.
- Alfred Whitney Griswold

Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too.
-Voltaire

"Sanity is a handicap and liability if you're living in a mad world."
- Anthony Burgess

"Every human perfection is linked to an error which it threatens to turn
into." - Arthur Schopenhauer

"When a woman puts up her fists to a man she is putting herself in the
only posture in which he is not afraid of her." - G. K. Chesterton

"Until they become conscious they will never rebel, and until after they
have rebelled they cannot become conscious" - George Orwell

95% of all statistics are invalid.

"Technology does not change human nature; if anything, it amplifies it." -
Owen Thomas

"Be a sinner, and let your sins be strong, but let your trust in Christ be
stronger, and rejoice in Christ who is the victor over sin, death, and the
world. We will commit sins while we are here, for this life is not a
place where justice resides." -Martin Luther (to Melanchthon)

Montaigne: 'All I say is by way of discourse, and nothing by way of
advice. I should not speak so boldly if it were my due to be believed.'"

"...in order to be effective a doctrine must not be understood, but has
to be believed in. We can be absolutely certain only about things we do
not understand." - Eric Hoffer

"It is the cowish terror of his spirit that dares not undertake; he’ll not
feel wrongs which tie him to an answer." -Shakespeare

I always finish what I sta